Yes and no.
And so begins a short, likely cryptic, blog entry. Of necessity, not for privacy nor propriety, I must fail to explain the most important detail that happened yesterday, June 11, 2010. A therapeutic detail, of some import. I am taking a gamble, with three possible outcomes.
I might lose sight of my goal, set aside the detail of yesterday as a false clue, take my therapy down some other path, and fail because I forgot to try.
If events transpire the way I hope, then I will have won the biggest gamble, made the biggest decision, had the largest worldly impact a person might achieve. I will have pulled myself from the depths that I have inhabited for 8 years, turned my life around, and be able to proudly point to yesterday as the start of it all.
In the case of the final outcome, I will have pulled myself from the depths, turned my life around, and be able to point to yesterday as the start of it all. But achieved something much less than desired.
It might someday seem, whatever the outcome. that I risked nothing, and thus really was not gambling at all. Yet, I risk everything that I might someday be. And more.
As is usual with therapy, the therapist is privy to more info than the rest of you, my readers. If my gamble someday succeeds, this entry will be joyously explained to any that care to ask, celebrated for its recognition of the import of yesterday. Otherwise, well, part of the gamble is even admitting to have taken a risk, but no further explanation will ever be given.
Oh, if you’re curious, yesterday was my usual Friday.